Despite acts of great heroism, three British soldiers
returned from the Falkland Islands without being
decorated. The captain called them into his office to
explain.

"Bit of a cock-up in the medals department, chaps,"
he said. "So the regiment has decided give you ten
pounds sterling for each inch of measurement between
any two parts of your bodies. Private, which
measurement for you?"

 "Tip of me toes to the top of me head, sah!"

"That's 720 pounds. Well done, private. Corporal?"

"Tip of one hand to the tip of the other, me arms
outstretched, sah!"

outstretched, sah!"

The captain took the measurement. "Six feet, two
inches....740 pounds. Very good, corporal. Sergeant,
how about you?"

"Tip of me prick to me balls, sah!"

"Very well. Drop your trousers, then." The captain
put his tape measure at one end of the man's penis,
then looked up and asked, "Where are your balls,
sergeant?"

"Goose Green, Falklands, sah!"