FileTitle: List1527.html
Category: Humor
Type: List
Description: Applicant Speak
***  APPLICANT SPEAK

"I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH STRESSFUL SITUATIONS:" I'm usually on Prozac.
When I'm not, I take lots of cigarette and coffee breaks.

"I SEEK A JOB THAT WILL DRAW UPON MY STRONG COMMUNICATION &
ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS:" I talk too much and like to tell other
people what to do.

"I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION:"  I've
used Microsoft Office.

"I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE:" I pilfer office supplies.

"MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES:" I hope you don't ask
me about all the McJobs I've had.

"I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK:"  I blame others for my mistakes.

"I'M BALANCED AND CENTERED:" I'll keep crystals at my desk and
do Tai Chi in the lunch room.

"I HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR:" I know a lot of corny, old jokes
and I tell them badly.

"I'M PERSONABLE:"  I give lots of unsolicited personal
advice to co-workers.

"I'M WILLING TO RELOCATE:"  As I leave San Quentin, anywhere's better.

"I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL:"  I carry a Day-Timer.

"MY BACKGROUND AND SKILLS MATCH YOUR REQUIREMENTS:" You're probably
looking for someone more experienced.

"I AM ADAPTABLE:"   I've changed jobs a lot.

"I AM ON THE GO:"  I'm never at my desk.

"I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED:" The minute I find a better job.
I'm outta there.

"I HAVE FORMAL TRAINING:"  I'm a college drop-out.

"I INTERACT WELL WITH CO-WORKERS:"   I've been accused of
sexual harassment.

"THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND CONSIDERATION:" Wait! Don't throw me away!

"I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU SOON:" Like, I'm gonna hold
my breath waiting for your stupid form letter thanking me for my
interest and wishing me luck in my future career.