Reading the Signs:
How to make shallow snap judgements -Taken from Women's Glibber.

The trick to sucessfull dating is learning how to interpret the hidden
signs,those tiny giveaway gestures that can tell you so much about a
person. Train yourself to recognize - and decode - these key "signs."

1.Woman won't unlock car door for man. - Doesn't engage in oral sex.
2.Man gets in car wothout opening door for woman. - No foreplay.
3.Can't hail a cab. - impotent.
4.Insists on going to a brand new restaurant. - prefers virgins.
5.Insists on going to a brand new restaurant but gets lost on the
  way. - Is a virgin.
6.Insists on going to a romantic, candlelit restaurant. - Compulsive
  Don Juan.
7.Insists in going to a homey little cafe with windmill motif. -
Compulsive
  Don Quixote.
8.Insists on going to a Polynesian bar. - Compulsive Don Ho.
9.Wants to go to a French Restaurant. - will swallow.
10.Wants to go to a deli. - Won't swallow.
11.Uses Sweet n' Low. - Wearing falsies.
12.Takes too long deciding what to order. - Has trouble reaching orgasm.
13.Orders salad dressing on the side. - Will give you a hand job but
   will not go "all the way."
14.Gives explicit orders to waiter. - Will expect incredibly skillful
   gymnastics in bed.
15.Asks for extra rolls. - Will say she's using birth control when
   she's not, will get pregnant and sue.
16.Insists on ordering for you, refering to you as "The lady will
   have..." - Thinks you had an orgasm when you didn't.
17.Asks for "the usual" - Insists on missionary position only.
18.Asks what the specials are. - Will want you to use handcuffs.
19.Fills up on bread and crackers. - Premature ejaculator.
20.Doesn't finish everything on plate. - Has already come.
21.Insists on having some of whatever you ordered. - Will make you
   sleep on wet spot.
22.Changes mind after ordering. - Will never call you.
23.Changes tables. - Nyphomaniac.
24.Drinks decaf. - Fakes orgasms (female).
25.Orders in French. - Fakes orgasms (male).
26.Sends food back. - Will sleep with you, brag to all his friends,
   then try to borrow money.
27.Asks for detailed descriptions of desserts. - Needs you to talk
   dirty during sex.
28.Orders a dessert involving ladyfingers. -Wants a handjob.
29.Orders a dessert involving nuts. - Castrating bitch.
30.Wants to split dessert. - Is dying to get rid of her apartment,
   move in with you, rearrange all your closets, and take down all
   your baseball posters.
31.Credit card is refused. - Low sperm count.
32.Undertips waiter. - Small penis.
33.Undertips parking valet. - Small penis.
34.Undertips cabbie. - Small penis.
35.Uses toothpick. - Is trying to tell you size isn't everything.
36.Removable cassette player in car. - Pull outs repeatedly during sex.
37.Cellular phone in car.- Penile implant.