You know you're over the hill when:

... you worry because you don't have any symptoms

... your sex drive has turned into more of a "putt"

... you spend more time on the menu than the waitress

... your keyboard cable is still kinky and you're not

... you pay for sex and get a refund

... you feel your corns more than you do your oats

... your actions creak louder than your words

... you wake up in the middle of the nite tired and lustless

... you know "where it's at", but forgot why it's there

... you know how to spell gastroenterologist

... your biological urges are more like occasional nudges

... you have to attend porno flicks with an interpreter

... you don't have any enemies because you've outlived them all

... you don't date women your own age, because there aren't any

... you have to use tenderizer to eat all your Cream of ____  soups

... "Happy Hour" now consists of a nap

... you remember what you did yesterday by what hurts today