FileTitle: List241.html
Category: Humor
Type: List
Description: Screen Messages (Quickies) (Needs Subdividing and crosschecking)
Screen messages:
File not found.  Should I fake it? (Y/N)
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit
PARLIAMENT.SYS corrupted: Re-boot Canberra? (Y/N)
BREAKFAST.COM halted... Cereal port not responding
SENILE.COM found... Out of memory
Shell to DOS.. Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...
Smash forehead on keyboard to continue
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue
Email returned to sender.  Insufficient voltage
Error: Keyboard not attached.  Press F1 to continue
REALITY.SYS corrupted: Re-boot universe? (Y/N)
Cannot find REALITY.SYS.  Universe halted
COFFEE.EXE missing.  Insert cup and press any key to continue
Hit any user to continue
Disk full. Press F1 to burp
Backup not found: (A)bort, (R)etry, (T)hrowup
Backup not found: (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)anic
(A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network?
(A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?
User error: replace user and select OK to continue
Apathy error: Don't bother striking any key
(A)bort, (R)etry, (I)nfluence with a big hammer?
I came. I saw. I deleted all your files.
Old mail has arrived.
The information went data way.:
Enjoy!
What do computer nerds use for birth control? Their personalities
Do files get embarrassed when they are unzipped?
Today's subliminal thought is: .......................
Is reading in the toilet multitasking?
My software never has bugs.  It just develops random features.
Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression
Software salesman to programmer: "You start writing the program and
  I'll go find out what they want."
It said "Insert Disk #3" but only two will fit
RAM DISK is not an installation procedure!
If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0
It's not hard to meet expenses.  They're everywhere
Help Wanted: Telepath.  You know where to apply
Do witches run spell checkers?
Copywight 1996. Elmer Fudd.  All wights Weserved.
What has four legs and an arm?  A happy pit bull
The name is Baud... James Baud
Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
A computer's attention span is only as long as its powercord.
11th Commandment: Covet not they neighbour's Pentium
Disinformation is not as good as datinformation
All computers wait at the same speed
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI
All wiyht.  Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
"640K ought to be enough for anybody." -- Bill Gates, 1981
Read my chips: no new upgrades!
If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must    
  be the process of putting them in.
Did you hear about the new supercomputer?  It's so fast, it executes an
  infinite loop in six seconds.
Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 500Mb hard drive suddenly shrinks to 
 320Mb, and then slowly returns to 500Mb
Texas virus: Doesn't do any damage, but makes sure it's bigger than
  any other file on your system
Real computers don't each cache
Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can re-boot faster
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes
Computers are not intelligent.  They only think they are
Definitions:
- computer: a device designed to speed and automate errors
- upgrade: take the old bugs out, put new ones in.
- Ethernet: something used to catch the etherbunny
- mainframe: the biggest PC peripheral available
- Windows: just another pane in the glass
- programmer: a red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing
with inanimate objects
- airline virus: you're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore
- hardware: Parts of a computer that can be kicked
- budget: a method for going broke methodically
- shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark