--Old age is when the gleam in your eye is just the sun shining
  on your bifocals.

--It seems to me that the new songs that make the most money
  make the least sense.

--I am not so think as you drunk I am.

--Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schitzophrenic,
  and so am I.

--Blowing your stack just adds to air polution.

--Procrastination is the greatest labor-saving invention
  of all time.