FileTitle: Prose104.html
Category: Humor
Type: Prose
Description: Not Too Funny, Interesting, Kisses, Geeks
And Here I Thought a Kiss is Just a Kiss!

Jim Mica

It's Valentine's Day here in the Untied States.  I know lots of
other cultures make some reference to this holiday, but for us
here it is a confusing time when lovers are supposed to exchange
boxes of sweets which will make them less attractive to each
other in the long run.  Since it is a day for lovers, I turned to
my first love, words.  My Word-For-The-Day calendar has the word
'osculate' on display today.

Now, the Latin scholars amongst us will immediately note that
osculate --meaning to kiss-- comes from *osculum* meaning "little
mouth."  According to my calendar, osculate is "used only
humorously today."  What else would we expect for a holiday
largely devoted to a tittering, sophomoric conception of
heterosexual love!  But wait!  My calendar also provides a
shocking revelation: "In math, osculate describes a type of
contact ... between certain curves or surfaces."

Holy non-linear equations Batman!  Mathematicians are concerned
with osculation!  I mean, this is pretty radical!  I know that
since the 30s mathematicians have felt incomplete.  Recently they
have gone all "fuzzy" on us. Now, I find out, they know how to

Well, I guess that's it for us simple minded but drop-dead
handsome guys.  From now on dames are gonna want to get with them
fuzzy, osculating mathematicians.  Yep, all the topologists in
the country are probably up to their saddle-points in boxes of
candy today.

Which may just go to show that the Geeks will inherit the girth.