FileTitle: Prose1493.html
Category: Humor
Type: Prose
Description: Letter From a Bozo
Subject: Greg Gangrene writes to his sister

Dear Gertrude:

 I'm writing this letter slow because I know you can't read fast.  We don't
live were we did when you left home.  Dad read in the newspaper that most
accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved.  I won't be able
to send you the address because the last family that lived here took the
house numbers when they moved so that they wouldn't have to change their
address.

 This place is real nice. It even has a washing machine.  I'm not sure it
works to well though; last week I put a load in and pulled the handle and
haven't seen them since.

 The coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Guiseppe said would be too
heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put
them in the pockets.

 George locked his keys in the car yesterday.  We were worried because it
took him two hours to get me and Dad out.

 Your sister had a baby this morning; but I haven't found out what it is yet
so I don't know if you are an aunt or an uncle.

 Uncle Gary fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out,
but he fought them off and drowned.  We had him cremated and he burned for
three days.

 Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Gordon was
driving, he rolled down the window and swam to safety.  Your other two
friends were in back, they drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate
down.

 There isn't much more news at this time.  Nothing much has happened.

             Love, Greg

 P.S.  I was going to send you some money but this envelope was already
sealed.