FileTitle: Prose1932.html
Category: Humor
Type: Prose
Description: Management Report Writing
[Reproduced from Newsweek (May 6, 1968, pp.104, 104B, 104C) and
 copyright owned by Newsweek, Inc.]
 Isn't it interesting how little things have changed in 30 years!

 A then-63 year old U.S. Public Health Service official named Philip
 Broughton hit upon a sure-fire method of converting frustrations into
 fulfillment (jargonwise).  Euphemistically called the Systematic Buzz
 Phrase Projector, Broughton's system employs a lexicon of 30 carefully
 chosen "buzzwords":

 Column 1                Column 2                Column 3

 0. integrated           0. management           0. options
 1. total                1. organizational       1. flexibility
 2. systematized         2. monitored            2. capability
 3. parallel             3. reciprocal           3. mobility
 4. functional           4. digital              4. programming
 5. responsive           5. logistical           5. concept
 6. optional             6. transitional         6. time-phase
 7. synchronized         7. incremental          7. projection
 8. compatible           8. third-generation     8. hardware
 9. balanced             9. policy               9. contingency

 The procedure is simple.  Think of any three-digit number, then select
 the corresponding buzzword from each column.  For instance, number 257
 produces "systemitized logistical projection," a phrase that can be
 dropped into virtually any report with that ring of decisive,
 knowledgeable authority. "No one will have the slightest idea of what
 you're talking about," said Broughton, "but the important thing is that
 they're not about to admit it."

 So whether you want some responsive organizational flexibility or some
 functional management options this is the chart for you.  Happy report