Description: College Lessons
Subject: What I learned in college
Deja Fu: The feeling that somehow, somewhere, you've been kicked in
the head like this before.
ON DEEP THOUGHTS
A day without sunshine is like night.
ON HIGHER EDUCATION
College is a fountain of knowledge...and the students are there to
ON MATHEMATICAL TRANSFORMS
A polar bear is a rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.
"Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not
true. I have the heart of a young boy -- in a jar on my desk."
-- Steven King, 3/8/90
ON PROBLEM SOLVING
When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to
resemble a nail. -- Abraham Maslow
He who dies with the most toys, is, nonetheless, still dead.
ON RELIGIOUS PRACTICES
Photons have mass? I didn't know they were catholic!
If you had everything, where would you keep it?
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
ON PUBLISHING OR PERISHING I am returning this otherwise good typing paper
to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name
at the top.
-- English Professor, Ohio University
ON REVISIONIST HISTORY
What was sliced bread the greatest thing since?
When aiming for the common denominator, be prepared for the
occasional division by zero.
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
ON POETIC LOVE
When you're swimmin' in the creek
And an eel bites your cheek
That's a moray!
-- Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers
Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub
with brightly colored machine tools.
ON MATERIAL SCIENCE
Character density: The number of very weird people in the office.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be
thrown with great force. -- Dorothy Parker
To err is human, to moo bovine.
ON EXPLANATION OF THE END "... one of the main causes of the fall of the
Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate
successful termination of their C programs." -- Robert Firth
The meek shall inherit the earth---they are too weak to refuse.
I can't complain, but sometimes I still do. -- Joe Walsh
Grabel's Law: 2 is not equal to 3---not even for very large values
ON WORLD POLITICS
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a
AND FINALLY, ON DRUGS AND DEVELOPMENT There are two major products to
out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence.