FileTitle: Prose2042.html
Category: Humor
Type: Prose
Description: Answering Machine Messages
You have reached Tom and Susan.  Resistance is futile.  You will be
assimilated.  But we're not home right now.  So leave a message at the
tone, and we'll assimilate you later.

(Very fast:)  Hi, this is 904-3555-4344-2.  If you want to leave a message,
please wait for the tone.  If you want to leave your name and number,
please press pound, press 3, then dial your name, then press 6 and dial
your number.  If you want to leave your name and just a message, press
star, press 6, ask for extension 4793, then leave your name and message.
If you want to leave your number and the time you called, please press star
twice, spin in a circle, press 1 twice, talk loud and... (BEEEEEEEP).

I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid
talking to people I don't remember.  I'd appreciate it if you could help me
out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself.  Thanks.

Lucifer speaking.  Who in hell do you want?

The number you have reached, 226-0477, has been changed.  The new
number is 226-0477.  Please make a note of it.

Hello, this is Sid.  I've got a puppy in one hand, and a Smith & Wesson .38
in the other.  Leave a message or the puppy gets it.