FileTitle: Prose2063.html
Category: Humor
Type: Prose
Description: Team Writing
  RECEIVED FROM AN ENGLISH PROFESSOR:
  This assignment was actually turned in by two of my English students:
  Rebecca  and Gary 
  English 44A
  SMU
  Creative Writing
  Prof. Miller

          In-class Assignment for Wednesday

  Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story.  The
  process is simple.  Each person will pair off with the person sitting
  to his or her immediate right.  One of you will then write the first
  paragraph of a short story.   The partner will read the first
  paragraph and then add another  paragraph to the story.   The first
  person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth.
  Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep
  the story coherent.  The story is over when both agree a conclusion
  has been reached.

   ------------------------------------------------------------

  At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
  camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
  reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that
  he liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her
  mind off Carl.  His  possessiveness was suffocating, and if she
  thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again.  So
  camomile was out of the question.

  Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron
  now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about
  than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with
  whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago.  "A.S.Harris to
  Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar
  orbit established.  No sign of resistance so far..." But before he
  could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and
  blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay.  The jolt from the direct
  hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

  He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt
  one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who
  had ever had feelings for him.  Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its
  pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.
  "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel.".
  Laurie read in her newspaper one morning.  The news simultaneously
  excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her
  youth-when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no
  newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of
  innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her.  "Why must one
  lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

  Little did she know, but she has less than 10 seconds to live.
  Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched
  the first of its lithium fusion missiles.  The dim-witted wimpy
  peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty
  through Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile
  alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race.  Within
  two hours  after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were
  on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire
  planet.  With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their
  diabolical plan.  The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere
  unimpeded.  The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine
  headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
  inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and 85 million
  other Americans. The  President slammed his fist on the conference
  table.  "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty!  Let's
  blow'em out of the sky!"


  This is absurd.  I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
  writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.

  Yeah?  Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at
  writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.

          Asshole.

          Bitch.