FileTitle: Prose83.html
Category: Humor
Type: Prose
Description: Tall Tales
Last winter a cow nearby caught such a cold she gave nothing but ice cream.
        There is a man in this town who is so tall he has to stand on a ladder
to shave himself.  In fact, he has to get on this knees just to put his hands
in his pockets.  When he was born he was so big it was impossible to name all
of him at once. He has a son who is growing so fast his shadow can't keep up
with him.  Nor can his clothes.  One day his head grew three inches through
the top of his hat.
        There is a man nearby whose feet are so large that when it rains he
lies down and uses them as umbrellas.  And when the sun is too hot, he does
the same thing to provide some shade.
        Not too far from here there is a farmer who is so strong that when his
horse fell in a well, he dug up the whole thing and gently poured him out.  He
has a wife who is so clean that one day she  scrubbed the kitchen floor too
hard and went right through into the basement.  It is their farm that is the
problem.   It is so muddy they have to jack up the cows to milk them.
        There is also a family in this town that is so lazy it takes two of
them to sneeze.  One throws his head back.  And another goes AH-CHOO! It also
takes two of them to chop wood.  One swings the ax.  And another grunts.
                There is a man not too far away who is so dirty that when he
finally took a bath, he found some underwear he thought he had lost two years
        There is also a man who is so forgetful that one night he put his cat
to bed and put himself outside.  He did not discover his mistake until a dog
chased him and he found he could not climb a tree.  Another time he put his
best shirt to bed and sent himself to the laundry to be washed.  But he didn't
realize what he had done until they tried to iron him.
        There is also this woman who is so smart it hurts to think about it.
Each night she fries herself a giant buckwheat cake, then rushes it sizzling
hot to her bed where she uses it as a blanket.   Then each morning on arising
she eats it for breakfast.