-Patient:  Doctor, you've got to help me.  I think I'm a
                  kleptomaniac.
        Doctor:  Don't worry.  I think there's something you can take for
                 that.

       -What do you do when a pharmaceutical salesman knocks on your
        door?
                Vitamin!


       -I'm a doctor and I haven't lost a patient yet.  I know where all
        of them are buried.

       -Old doctors never die....they just lose their patients.

       -People who constantly cough never go to the doctors.  They go to
        banquets, to concerts, to church....

       -A doctor giving a circumcision was heard saying, "It won't be long
        now."

       -What does it mean when a doctor tells you, "We caught this just
        in time?"
                It means that if you had waited any longer, it would
                have cleared up by itself.