FileTitle: Riddles1421.html
Category: Humor
Type: Riddles
Description: Elephant Jokes
           Lots and Lots of Elephant Jokes:

    Q: What do you call an elephant with a machine gun?
    A: Sir.
    ==

    Q: What do you call an elephant wearing pink earmuffs and a dress?
    A: Anything you want, it can't hear you.
    ==

    Q: Why do elephants drink so much?
    A: To try to forget.
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    Q: What's grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow,
       grey, yellow, grey, yellow?
    A: An elephant rolling down a hill with a daisy in its mouth!
    ==

    Q: Why did the Elephant stand on the marshmellow?
    A: So she wouldn't fall in the hot chocolate.
    ==

    Q: How do you get down from an elephant?
    A: You don't, you get down from a duck.
    ==

    Q: Why is an elephant big, grey, and wrinkly?
    A: Because, if it was small, white and smooth it would be an Aspirin.
    ==

    Q: What's grey and white on the inside and red on the outside?
    A: An inside out elephant.
    ==

    Q: What's grey and white on the inside and red and white on the outside?
    A: Campbell's Cream of Elephant soup.
    ==

    Q: What is grey and not there.
    A: No elephants.
    ==

    Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
    A: With a blue elephant gun, of course.
    ==

    Q: How do you shoot a red elephant?
    A: No, not with a red elephant gun. You strangle him until he turns blue,
       and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.
    ==

    Q: How do you shoot a green elephant?
    A: Tell him a dirty joke so he turns red, strangle him until he turns blue,
       and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.
    ==

    Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
    A: Ever seen a yellow elephant?!!!
    ==

    Q: Why are elephants wrinkled?
    A: Have you ever tried to iron one?
    ==

    Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?
    A: Chicken's day off.
    ==

    Q: What was the elephant doing on the motorway?
    A: About 5 mph (8kph in the rest of the world)
    ==

    Q: How do you get an elephant into a VW?
    A: Open the car door, put the elephant inside, close the door.
    ==

    Q: What's more difficult than getting a pregnant elephant in a VW bug?
    A: Getting an elephant pregnant in a VW bug.
    ==

    Q: How do you put an elephant into a fridge?
    A: Open the VW door, take the elephant out, close the VW door, open
       the fridge, put the elephant inside, close the fridge.
    ==

    Q: How do you get 4 elephants into a Volkswagon bug?
    A: 2 in the front and 2 in the back
    ==

    Q: How do you know if there is an elephant in your fridge?
    A: Footprints in the butter.
    ==

    Q: How do you know if there are 2 elephants in your fridge?
    A: Two sets of footprints in the butter.
    ==

    Q: How do you know if there are 3 elephants in your fridge?
    A: Can't get the fridge door closed.
    ==

    Q: How do you know if there are 4 elephants in your fridge?
    A: There's a VW bug parked outside it.
    ==

    Q: How do you get 8(!) elephants in a fridge?
    A: Put four in a VW, four in another VW, put the two VW's in the fridge.
       A fridge large enough to hold two elephants can surely hold two VW's!
    ==

    Q: How do you get Tarzan in the fridge?
    A: Open door, get two VW's out, put tarzan in, close door.
    ==

    Q: How do you know Tarzan is in the fridge?
    A: you can hear Tarzan scream OYOYOYOIYOIYOOOOOO
    ==

    Q: How do you get two Tarzans in the fridge?
    A: You can't, silly.  There is only one Tarzan!
    ==

    Q: Why are there so many elephants running around free in the jungle?
    A: The fridge isn't not large enough to hold them all.
    ==

    Q: How many elephants can you actually put in a fridge?
    A: Depends on the number of elephants.
    ==

    Q: What did the fifth elephant in the VW bug discover?
    A: The sun roof.
    ==

    Q: The Lion (Animal king) gathered all the animals for a meeting, all
       of them showed up except the elephants.  Why?
    A: They were stuck in the VW bug.
    ==

    Q: How many giraffes can you fit in a VW bug?
    A: None, the elephants are in there!
    ==

    Q: What do you call two elephants on a bicycle?
    A: Optimistic!
    ==

    Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into the city?
    A: Free Parking.
    ==

    Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into work?
    A: Sole use of the elevator.
    ==

    Q: What do you do with an elephant with three balls?
    A: Walk him and pitch to the girrafe!
    ==

    Q: How do you know if there is an elephant in the pub?
    A: It's bike is outside.
    ==

    Q: How do you know if there are two elephants in the pub?
    A: There is a dent in the cross-bar.
    ==

    Q: How do you know if there are three elephants in the pub?
    A: Stand on the bike and have a look in the window.
    ==

    Q. Why do elephants wear tiny green hats?
    A. To sneak across a pool table without being seen.
    ==

    Q: How many elephants does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: Don't be stupid, elephants can't change light bulbs.
    ==

    Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale?
    A: A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
    ==

    Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
    A: Bloody great holes all over Australia.
    ==

    Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
    A: Elephino.
    ==

    Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
    A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.
    ==

    Q: Why do elephants wear sandals?
    A: So that they don't sink in the sand.
    ==

    Q: Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
    A: To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandals.
    ==

    Q. What is the difference between an elephant and a blueberries?
    A. They're both blue, except for the elephant.

    ==

    Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw 1,000 elephants coming over the hill?
    A: "Look, there's 1,000 elephants coming over the hill."
    ==

    Q: What did Jane say?
    A: Here come the blueberries. (Jane was color blind)
    ==

    Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw 1,000 elephants with sunglasses on,
coming
       over the hill?
    A: Nothing, he didn't recognize them.
    ==

    Q: How do you make a dead elephant float?
    A: Well, you take 10 dead elephants, 10 tons of chocolate ice-cream, 5 tons
       tons of bananas,.....
    ==

    Q: How do you get an elephant on top of an oak tree?
    A: Stand him on an acorn and wait fifty years.
    ==

    Q: What if you don't want to wait fifty years?
    A: Parachute him from an airplane.
    ==

    Q: Why isn't it safe to climb oak trees between 2 and 4 in the afternoon?
    A: That's when the elephants are skydiving.
    ==

    Q: Why are pygmies so short?
    A: They climb oak trees between 2 and 4 in the afternoon.
    ==

    Q: Why do ducks have flat feet?
    A: From stamp out forest fires.
    ==

    Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
    A: From stamp out flaming ducks.
    ==

    Q: Why are elephants feet shaped that way?
    A: To fit on lily pads.
    ==

    Q: Why isn't it safe to go onto the lily pads between 4 and 6 in the
afternoon?
    A: That's when the elephants are walking on the lily pads.
    ==

    Q: Whay are frogs so short?
    A: They go onto the lily pads between 4 and 6 in the afternoon.
    ==

    Q: Why shouldn't you go into the woods at 5 o'clock?
    A: Because that is when the elephants practice their parachute jumping.
    ==

    Q: What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
    A: 5 O'clock (trick question - not "Time to get a new fence..)
    ==

    Q: Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?
    A: So that they can hide upside-down in bowls of custard.

    ==

    Q: Did you ever find an elephant in your custard?
    A: No?  Well, it must work.
    ==

    Q: What do you know when you see three elephants walking down the street
       wearing pink sweatshirts?
    A: They're all on the same team

    ==

    Q: Why won't they allow elephants in public swimming pools?
    A: Because they might let down their trunks.

    ==

    Q: What do you call any elephant who is an expert on skin disorders?
    A: A pachydermatoligist.
    ==

    Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging?
    A: Take away his credit card.